twentieth year of life. { 2015 }

new year's has never made much of a difference for me. probably because my birthday is just a week later and that's where the looking back at the memories and looking for what's ahead comes.

twenty. I have a lot of memories. the twentieth year of my life was full of new and unexpected things. full of wonders. traveling. growth. art. love. trust. spontaneity. fear. gratitude... those were the things coming to my mind first as I looked back. the year where I started to learn the most important lessons of self-acceptance and self-care. and the year where I looked at who I want to be and what I want to do and set out goals to pursue. the year where I made scary choices of letting go and putting trust into the unknown future. the year where I stopped holding onto things, grabbing onto them to have them under control, but started learning to let God be in control instead. and the year where I learnt that I know little about Love.  the one thing I thought I knew. but I don't really know the true meaning of the word. Love. all that it contains. the simplicity and complexity of love. slowly I started learning.

there were so many little memories and moments worth remembering but here are some of the big things that got captured, and that were some of the biggest parts of the twentieth. or at least the ones I just throught of.

it was the year that I was not in high school for any part of it anymore. but in college. growing in my creative process. spending months working on continuous projects and presenting my soul in an artwork and exhibiting it in galleries. it wasn't always easy, but I've grown and did more than I thought possible for me, and that's what's important.

I hosted a charity thrift store with my awesome sister and lots of amazing friends who helped. it has been my dream for a while to do that and spread the word about sweatshops that our clothes comes from and I was so excited to see that idea come to life with some amazing people joining in. and it was way better than any of my expectations.

I came back to my second home in California almost two years after I said my goodbyes. and I spent precious time reconnecting with my second family, dear friends, and finally went on other than skype dates with my best friend, Joshua, and fell in love. fell in love all over again with this place and its people.

Maty & Janinka

 {autumn 2015}

I'm so glad I finally took time to edit these pictures I took of my sister and her husband when the trees were still covered with leaves and the hills brightened up the valley with all their colors as the sun set down. I'm so thankful for these two and their relationship, thankful for family, for our forever growing family.

the adventure, and why I didn't instagram it.

here we go, I will try my best in sharing about this adventure I experienced this last month well.

you might remember my post from last year's hike with Maru, where I talked about the unrealistic impressions social media gives us about people, causing jealousy and assumptions that might be completely wrong. wishing for another person's life instead of living our own lives fully. if not, you might want to read it, or you might want to be reminded of it. I know I still need to.

you also might know that my dearest person lives on the other side of the world. and that we only see each other for a few weeks at a time, inbetween endless months of skype calls and annoying time difference and slow internet and frustration and letters and anticipation. I'm not here to complain, I wouldn't change it for the world. when we do see each other, it sounds like the most perfect thing everyone dreams of. and man, is it amazing! it's actually way more than I would ever dare to dream of or imagined. I still have to pinch myself to believe it. but you know, it's still just an imperfect life. we're still just imperfect people. it's still messy.

this time I flew to California only to jump on another plane the next morning and go to Maui, Hawaii for a few days to meet Josh's grandparents, then we flew back and drove up to Nevada to a beautiful winter wonderland called Lake Tahoe for Thanksgiving, and then I spent a week in my beloved second home, San Luis Obispo, biked around, enjoying the warmth and the sunshine. I didn't post about it and spent those three weeks simply living it.

the biggest reason to not limit my experiences into short instagram posts was to share about it honestly and fully. if you follow me on instagram you might notice that I choose to post about my bad days too, about the struggle, and about the hope in the midst of it. I'm not here to say, as some people do, that the good moments we share about are a lie though. they are just as real as the bad ones. life is a beautiful messy reality with perfect moments and some pretty awful ones. so is a trip like this. we don't usually take pictures of the awful ones though. we don't really want to share them. we are scared of the reaction. it's kind of funny because I am more scared of the reaction when it comes to my perfect moments, because I hate to cause jealousy and wrong assumptions.

so when you look at my posts and pictures, know that there is more to them. yes, the trip consisted of the most magical moments, runnning into the ocean in the moonlight on the shores of Hawaii, dancing in every store with music, sipping tea by the fire as it snowed outside, walks by the lake as the sun set over the mountains, walks by the ocean, laughing till I cried tears of joy, long hugs, playing music.... etc... but there were also moments of me feeling overwhelmed by all the experiences. not pictured are the endless plane rides (because when the cheapest plane ticket is from Copenhagen, then I take a bus to Copenhagen and spend the night there), the jetlag, the morning I cried in the car because it was simply too much happening in my world and I couldn't process it all. the times I got frustrated, way too easily. culture shocks and differences that still surprise me. the night I felt so alone and couldn't sleep and didn't understand why. the week when Josh had to be at school every day all day long and I spend the days just waiting for him.

in a certain way this trip was harder for me than the ones before. but I'd rather have a conversation about that with you over a cup of tea in person. this is probably already too long for people to read with our busy lives. I just wanted to encourage you to not make assumptions, but ask. to have real conversations. to not get jealous but remember that every person struggles at some points inbetween the moments they choose to post. that no person or story is perfect. don't think that just because you are not like this person, or don't have the same adventures, or perfect relationship, or cool things to post about, that your life is less. that it doesn't matter unless you are like this or that. you are worth of so much more. your life is of a precious value just because you are alive. I know I need that reminder too. perhaps I'm preaching it more to myself than you. all I know is I'll keep trying my best at sharing about my messy life with honesty.

separate posts from the beautiful places and adventures coming :)

J & K {3.10. 2015}

someone please teach me how to only make small collections of photographs for blogposts. it seems to be impossible when I get to capture as beautiful weddings as this one. 

I don't really have the right words to describe this day and hopefully the pictures will do a better job. but let me tell you, my heart is full when I can photograph something like this. a wedding of dear friends where the bride happens to be a designer so every little detail is perfect and it takes place in the beautiful north of czech with the hills all around, on the last warm and sunny day of fall. I'm also working on a video so it was a very busy day, but so worth it. I had a second photographer shoot with me for the ceremony (Hana Polanska Photography) which was a great experience and she was so helpful since I had to take videos!

I hope these little memories tell you a story of a wonderful day and a beautiful couple surrounded by their loved ones. it surely was a special event to be a part of!

Belgium {fall 2015}

just like a year ago I made a trip to Belgium this year, to see my favorite Drabek. because I simply didn't know what to give her for her birthday, and realized that the best option was a proper Danek visit. so after a day trip to Amsterdam I took a train to Liege where I tried to take care of a very sick Drabek. we watched Downton Abbey, listened to good music, drank tea, made schnitzel, occasionaly went outside when Drabek's school demanded it, drank tea again, watched movie trailers, talked, laughed, cried. then I got sick too, of course. and we did all of that over again.
I failed to make a blogpost last year (maybe I still will one day), so I'm proud to say that this time it only took me a month.
<3 I miss this gem of a girl already!

Kristi&Pavel

I can't even tell you how hard it was to try to make a smaller selection from this beautiful wedding. because there are simply so many wonderful moments captured. easily described, this day was just so much fun. what can be better than a bride who doesn't stress out at all but with a smile runs around to help with last-minute details instead of getting dressed. ceremony outside, with the sun showing up, even in the end of september. an awesome first dance the couple prepared for their day, with the dad joining in. absolutely amazing photoshoot where the bride and groom do nothing but have fun and enjoy it to the fullest, and so do you as a photographer. or late night fireworks that totally exceed any expectation. here are memories to be cherished, and I am thankful I could capture them for these two.

Amsterdam

I think I'm more of a nature person, but there certainly are cities I enjoy visiting. Amsterdam just became my new favorite. it was the perfect place to reunite with my sister after three months apart. and it seemed like a dream to walk these streets with one house cuter than the other. one day was enough for me to fall in love with a city full of bikes, and canals, and houseboats, and design stores. and my favorite part was how it didn't feel touristy at all, people passing us by were simply living their everyday life. Amsterdam, you have a special place in my heart now. I'll be back.

the cabin {summer 2015}

the special place that holds so many memories. of my dad helping to build this cabin when he was just a boy. of my parents and their honeymoon and first summers of marriage. of our childhood. of breakfasts by the lake. of bonfires each night. of mushroom hunting. of scary rain storms. of silly games. visiting my dad's side of family. of moments in our lives when everything stopped. yes, that's what coming here always feels like. as if the time stopped. and no matter what exciting things I do all summer, coming here is always the best part. I don't think anything can replace the feeling I get as we turn left from the main road, and drive through the woods and then turn again and drive between the trees and then the little cabin suddenly stands before us. and we enter another world, the world of quietness. coming here feels different now than it did when I was little. still special though, maybe even more so now than back then. this summer it was playing guitar on the front porch as it rained, telling Josh stories of what my summers looked like, laughing by the fire, going on walks, taking cold swims in the lake, watching the sky change within seconds, taking special pictures of my parents for their 30th anniversary.

my words are not enough in trying to describe this place. I'll let the pictures speak. perhaps they'll do a better job.