twentieth year of life. { 2015 }

new year's has never made much of a difference for me. probably because my birthday is just a week later and that's where the looking back at the memories and looking for what's ahead comes.

twenty. I have a lot of memories. the twentieth year of my life was full of new and unexpected things. full of wonders. traveling. growth. art. love. trust. spontaneity. fear. gratitude... those were the things coming to my mind first as I looked back. the year where I started to learn the most important lessons of self-acceptance and self-care. and the year where I looked at who I want to be and what I want to do and set out goals to pursue. the year where I made scary choices of letting go and putting trust into the unknown future. the year where I stopped holding onto things, grabbing onto them to have them under control, but started learning to let God be in control instead. and the year where I learnt that I know little about Love.  the one thing I thought I knew. but I don't really know the true meaning of the word. Love. all that it contains. the simplicity and complexity of love. slowly I started learning.

there were so many little memories and moments worth remembering but here are some of the big things that got captured, and that were some of the biggest parts of the twentieth. or at least the ones I just throught of.

it was the year that I was not in high school for any part of it anymore. but in college. growing in my creative process. spending months working on continuous projects and presenting my soul in an artwork and exhibiting it in galleries. it wasn't always easy, but I've grown and did more than I thought possible for me, and that's what's important.

I hosted a charity thrift store with my awesome sister and lots of amazing friends who helped. it has been my dream for a while to do that and spread the word about sweatshops that our clothes comes from and I was so excited to see that idea come to life with some amazing people joining in. and it was way better than any of my expectations.

I came back to my second home in California almost two years after I said my goodbyes. and I spent precious time reconnecting with my second family, dear friends, and finally went on other than skype dates with my best friend, Joshua, and fell in love. fell in love all over again with this place and its people.

the adventure, and why I didn't instagram it.

here we go, I will try my best in sharing about this adventure I experienced this last month well.

you might remember my post from last year's hike with Maru, where I talked about the unrealistic impressions social media gives us about people, causing jealousy and assumptions that might be completely wrong. wishing for another person's life instead of living our own lives fully. if not, you might want to read it, or you might want to be reminded of it. I know I still need to.

you also might know that my dearest person lives on the other side of the world. and that we only see each other for a few weeks at a time, inbetween endless months of skype calls and annoying time difference and slow internet and frustration and letters and anticipation. I'm not here to complain, I wouldn't change it for the world. when we do see each other, it sounds like the most perfect thing everyone dreams of. and man, is it amazing! it's actually way more than I would ever dare to dream of or imagined. I still have to pinch myself to believe it. but you know, it's still just an imperfect life. we're still just imperfect people. it's still messy.

this time I flew to California only to jump on another plane the next morning and go to Maui, Hawaii for a few days to meet Josh's grandparents, then we flew back and drove up to Nevada to a beautiful winter wonderland called Lake Tahoe for Thanksgiving, and then I spent a week in my beloved second home, San Luis Obispo, biked around, enjoying the warmth and the sunshine. I didn't post about it and spent those three weeks simply living it.

the biggest reason to not limit my experiences into short instagram posts was to share about it honestly and fully. if you follow me on instagram you might notice that I choose to post about my bad days too, about the struggle, and about the hope in the midst of it. I'm not here to say, as some people do, that the good moments we share about are a lie though. they are just as real as the bad ones. life is a beautiful messy reality with perfect moments and some pretty awful ones. so is a trip like this. we don't usually take pictures of the awful ones though. we don't really want to share them. we are scared of the reaction. it's kind of funny because I am more scared of the reaction when it comes to my perfect moments, because I hate to cause jealousy and wrong assumptions.

so when you look at my posts and pictures, know that there is more to them. yes, the trip consisted of the most magical moments, runnning into the ocean in the moonlight on the shores of Hawaii, dancing in every store with music, sipping tea by the fire as it snowed outside, walks by the lake as the sun set over the mountains, walks by the ocean, laughing till I cried tears of joy, long hugs, playing music.... etc... but there were also moments of me feeling overwhelmed by all the experiences. not pictured are the endless plane rides (because when the cheapest plane ticket is from Copenhagen, then I take a bus to Copenhagen and spend the night there), the jetlag, the morning I cried in the car because it was simply too much happening in my world and I couldn't process it all. the times I got frustrated, way too easily. culture shocks and differences that still surprise me. the night I felt so alone and couldn't sleep and didn't understand why. the week when Josh had to be at school every day all day long and I spend the days just waiting for him.

in a certain way this trip was harder for me than the ones before. but I'd rather have a conversation about that with you over a cup of tea in person. this is probably already too long for people to read with our busy lives. I just wanted to encourage you to not make assumptions, but ask. to have real conversations. to not get jealous but remember that every person struggles at some points inbetween the moments they choose to post. that no person or story is perfect. don't think that just because you are not like this person, or don't have the same adventures, or perfect relationship, or cool things to post about, that your life is less. that it doesn't matter unless you are like this or that. you are worth of so much more. your life is of a precious value just because you are alive. I know I need that reminder too. perhaps I'm preaching it more to myself than you. all I know is I'll keep trying my best at sharing about my messy life with honesty.

separate posts from the beautiful places and adventures coming :)

Belgium {fall 2015}

just like a year ago I made a trip to Belgium this year, to see my favorite Drabek. because I simply didn't know what to give her for her birthday, and realized that the best option was a proper Danek visit. so after a day trip to Amsterdam I took a train to Liege where I tried to take care of a very sick Drabek. we watched Downton Abbey, listened to good music, drank tea, made schnitzel, occasionaly went outside when Drabek's school demanded it, drank tea again, watched movie trailers, talked, laughed, cried. then I got sick too, of course. and we did all of that over again.
I failed to make a blogpost last year (maybe I still will one day), so I'm proud to say that this time it only took me a month.
<3 I miss this gem of a girl already!

Amsterdam

I think I'm more of a nature person, but there certainly are cities I enjoy visiting. Amsterdam just became my new favorite. it was the perfect place to reunite with my sister after three months apart. and it seemed like a dream to walk these streets with one house cuter than the other. one day was enough for me to fall in love with a city full of bikes, and canals, and houseboats, and design stores. and my favorite part was how it didn't feel touristy at all, people passing us by were simply living their everyday life. Amsterdam, you have a special place in my heart now. I'll be back.

the cabin {summer 2015}

the special place that holds so many memories. of my dad helping to build this cabin when he was just a boy. of my parents and their honeymoon and first summers of marriage. of our childhood. of breakfasts by the lake. of bonfires each night. of mushroom hunting. of scary rain storms. of silly games. visiting my dad's side of family. of moments in our lives when everything stopped. yes, that's what coming here always feels like. as if the time stopped. and no matter what exciting things I do all summer, coming here is always the best part. I don't think anything can replace the feeling I get as we turn left from the main road, and drive through the woods and then turn again and drive between the trees and then the little cabin suddenly stands before us. and we enter another world, the world of quietness. coming here feels different now than it did when I was little. still special though, maybe even more so now than back then. this summer it was playing guitar on the front porch as it rained, telling Josh stories of what my summers looked like, laughing by the fire, going on walks, taking cold swims in the lake, watching the sky change within seconds, taking special pictures of my parents for their 30th anniversary.

my words are not enough in trying to describe this place. I'll let the pictures speak. perhaps they'll do a better job.

down in the valley, up at the mountaintops.

our summer adventures began with a trip deep into the beauty of a small village in Tirol, Austria. I've never had a view such as this from my window for a week.

my parents climbed every mountain in sight, it least it felt like it. me and Josh climbed a couple of them and simply rested and explored and enjoyed the beauty all around us the rest of the time. evenings were spent watching the sun set behind the mountaintops and sky turn dark blue color as we played music or talked at the balcony. the very few rainy days were spent sipping warm tea and watching the clouds roll over the mountains and cover the trees and fill the valley with mist.

as I sit here now two monts later and I think of how wonderful it was to be disconnected from the world for a bit. from the world that's fast, and busy, and computer screen, and to do lists. how wonderful it was to enjoy the life we've been given. I need to make more of my days worthwhile like this. 

pictures taken by either me or Joshua. 

naive dreams turning into a beautiful life.

it took me a long time to finally blog these, but I'm finally getting to it. this is Veronika. she is beautiful inside&out. she is very dear to my heart and even though life takes us in different directions and we don't always manage to stay in touch, I still think she is one of my closest friends. we are always able to connect as if no time has passed between seeing each other. these pictures are from a few special days this summer when she visited us. before we both got busy. and before she got married! phew, I remember the fifteen year old girls we were, talking about boys and wondering what our future husbands would be like. I remember our naive dreams. so much has changed and the naive dreams are suddenly becoming a beautiful messy reality. now she's married and I think back and look at how much we've both grown during our friendship. how much work God has done in our hearts, and continues to do so. I feel as if this visit was an end of one chapter, but it doesn't sadden me. I am excited for all the chapters ahead of us. 

by the way, she used to hate being infront of a camera at the beginning of our frienship. I'm happy to say that I changed that completely ;) and she proved to be really good behind the camera as well.

the beginning of summer.

(delayed blogpost as usual)
classes were over and hot sunny days came as soon as the month of june anounced the beginning of summer. so these two beautiful girls came for a visit. I got to show them my home in this beautiful season. sitting by the river, feet in the water, picnicking, late birthday celebrations, cherries, and warm evenings in the golden sunlight. beautiful moments of life to be enjoyed.

second home.

it's been almost three years since I left for an adventure that, as cliche as i sounds, changed my life.  that lead me into a place I'd call home. to people I'd call family. a year I spent an ocean away that grew me, shaped me, and healed me. that showed me that life is full of beautiful things that are worth experiencing and that deserve my full attention and gratitude. that taught me how to seek intimacy with the Maker of it all. that helped me appreciate the home I have in Czech in ways I never could before. and just like that, I could never be fully at home in one place again. for home is not just a place. home is made out of so much more. and I'm so blessed to discover that I have several homes on this earth. and I'm so excited to know that the real Home that will finally feel right is yet to come.

March was a long awaited month where I would finally go to California again. not as much a visit as coming back home. traveling from one home to another. a feeling that can hardly be explained or described. a little worried that it might not be what I kept in my memories. that it will never be the same. but getting out of the plane and feeling the warmth. being welcomed in loving arms. note at the door. waking up in my room. drinking coffee with Donna. hiking up Islay Hill with Josh. everything felt right. like I never left. a reassurement that all my memories were true. that this place and home is what my heart has been missing for so long.

the silent beauty. the beauty of silence.

it's usually in the quiet moments of this life that I find the Creator of it all. sometimes it's not the sunday sermon where you find God at. sometimes it's not in the most likely places. it's really up to us where we decide to seek Him. because He's in all the places. I've been learning to grasp that lately. looking for His fingerprints in my everyday life. in the least likely places. 

there still is one time and place where I certainly meet Him though. in the quiet. in the beauty of His creation. it doesn't ask for attention. He doesn't ask for attention. but it's the best thing I can give my attention to. up in the mountains, away from all the noise and busy life. in a complete silence as the world around you rests in its winter sleep. and as I capture the beauty, I capture the moments of closeness and gratitude. 

Pěnkavák.

we got to spend last weekend in a place that feels more like home than anything. much needed time in the mountains. we were even enjoying the sunshine and blue skies. peace of mind. rest in while not resting at all. it's always hard to go back to the grey dull life down in the valley.

Luxembourg {part 1}

until I get to editing all of the pictures from my trip, I decided to share it in parts. here's the start of our crazy&wonderful adventure - sitting/drawing/talking in a coffee shop, making a waitress in Charles burgers upset, walking around Luxembourg at night - because we're lazy and we spent the days in the house. 

home, fall, gratitude.

I live in a breathtakingly beautiful place, and I have the most beautiful women in my life, inside&out. and so this day was overflowing with beauty. me, my sister, and my mum were left alone at home that day and we made the most of it by taking pictures outside, going for a walk and having great conversations. I'm posting this late, but who cares.

Janka

this could easily be another story post, if I asked my dear sister a couple questions. but I decided to write a short story post of how I see her not just through my lens instead. something about us. this absolutely breathtaking and warm sunny saturday morning in our backyard was more than I could ask for. the fall in all its beauty. I really hoped to get my sister infront of the camera. as soon as I found out she was coming I was preparing myself for the hours of trying to convince her to let me photograph her, because she rarely ever lets me. but as I laid down on our couch that morning, uninterested to do anything at all, she comes down asking me to go out and take pictures with her. I honestly thought I heard that wrong. but I didn't. and I got to spend the morning doing my favorite thing, photographing this gorgeous girl. and it's funny that I say a girl, because she's a woman now, and even I will soon leave my teenage years behind, but she's my sister, and I still haven't gotten used to the fact that we've outgrown our home and we don't share a room anymore, and she doesn't even have the same last name anymore. I'm still not used to that. 

our imperfectly perfect fall hike.

it's been way too long since I last blogged, it's been way too long since I got up early on a saturday and went on a hike, or made new good friends, or took pictures for myself and actually edited them, or overflowed with love for where I live. but here I go, finally.

this sweet girl, whom I've known for a while now but never really had a chance to get to know better, came to visit me yesterday. me and Maru planned to go on a hike and enjoy the beautiful colors of fall, a day that was supossed to be filled with sunshine. but as the day went by we had every reason to be disappointed. the sun never even came and we walked through this thick fog all day, I got us lost the very first five minutes of the hike, it was freezing and we underestimated our outfits a little (I did for sure), I carried a blanket to have a picnic on which was impossible in the mud that we walked through the whole time. I could probably go on. but not even for a second did we let that ruin our day. we had the most perfect hike, appreciated the mysterious beauty around us, laughed and shared our joys as well as struggles as if we've been friends forever.

but I find it hard to write this blogpost now, because we got to talk about how social media, including blogs, only shows the "perfection" of everyone's lives, causing jealousy, impossible expectations, giving us the wrong impression. we all try to make it all look so pretty. ever since I started taking pictures or blogging a little it's always been about honesty for me. I've always tried not to make my life look perfect, but even in trying not to I've made it look like it. and I've had people come up to me and say that they wanted my life, and I didn't know how else to show them that my life is so much more than what they see on there, than what I show, than these pictures. there are so many days inbetween, there are so many dull moments, there's always something more to it. but I guess that even as I try to include the imperfections of everything in my posts, others will still see it differently. I guess the imperfections in lives of others can never seem as real as ours. because as you scroll through the pictures and read this post you'll see the good parts in the comfort of your warm home. you won't get your shoes dirty from the mud, your fingers won't be freezing, you won't be trying to find your way through the woods, and you won't wonder if the fog is going to fade a little. you also won't share your heart with someone and laugh with us, you won't see the deer I didn't manage to capture. and it's okay, because you should have your own imperfectly perfect moments in life. and I know you do. some of us just like to share them, capture them, write about them. but that doesn't make our lives any better from yours. and I need to realize that as much as you do when I scroll through other blogs that seem perfect to me as well. because there's a real life behind them too. 

so please, as you go through this post, enjoy it, but don't get the feeling I so often get of wishing to be that person, doing that exact thing, living that exact life. because that person has probably wished the same thing. and it's not worth it. go and live your life in your own imperfectly perfect way.

Drábek .

wow, I can't believe that my friendship with this amazing person started in 2011 already, when she messaged me on flickr and we finally decided to meet up. I'm so thankful we did and that the distance, the months in between our adventures, and sometimes the months of not being in touch didn't make the friendship weaker in any way. though she lives in france, I lived in states for a year, she spends her summers an ocean away, we both suck at messaging each other regularly, I suck at getting back to her when she plans to see me... we still manage to make it work and it's always such an awesome time filled with laughter and weirdness with her. I think it's actually our craziness that makes it so cool, we get each other, we freak out over the same things, and we just don't need to pretend anything when we go on adventures. I can't believe she puts up with my emotional mess and weirdness. so yep, here's my cheesy post and here's to some more years of the friendship that started through photography. Drábek is the coolest! like I don't even know why someone so cool hangs out with me and Tim Burton haha. (miss you!)

 yep, she's so cool she draws me while we talk over a cup of coffee.

99% of our time together. and when I just won't stop taking pictures of her.

life is springing up.

this weekend I went to Prague to enjoy some good fellowship, good laughter, beautiful czech scenery, green forests and hills full of new life that always comes with spring, and to simply dwell in the presence of God. I couldn't have asked for better people to go on adventures with. and I am so excited to go on even bigger adventure with those God-loving and light-shining people to bring the stories of how Jesus changed our hearts to the (sometimes forgotten) corners of this world. I'm excited to see how we grow and change through it. I'm so thankful to be able to join God in His work though He doesn't need me at all. I'm humbled that He chooses to use me despite that fact, and despite my brokeness and sin.

this song was on my mind that day and it reflects it pretty well. listen to it as you scroll through the pictures.